Karaoke Night

Posted: June 2, 2015 by writingsprint in Science fiction
Tags: , , ,

Post #8 of the 30-day Mass Effect drabble challenge — I never said they’d all be one day after another, now, did I 😉 ?. Today’s prompt: Kolyat Krios, Kal’Reegar, “serenade,” courtesy of the Mass Effect Random Prompt Generator.

Special thanks to Lynn for drawing the prompt, Vorcha Girl for encouraging me to write it, and MizDirected, whose twisted mind brought us the vision for tonight’s post.

challenge accepted

Joker took the stage with the mike in one hand and a beer in the other.

“We saw you already!” Grunt yelled.

“Shut up, Godzilla! The only one who gets to talk around here is me! Everyone else has to sing!”

The crew of the Normandy cheered. Shepard choked on her beer as she laughed. Kaidan jumped as she sprayed him with some of it. Shepard laughed even harder. “I’m sorry!”

“Shepard, do we have to cut you off?” Joker asked.

“Do it and I’ll have you brushing the cargo bay with your toothbrush!” Shepard replied.

The crowd cheered again. Shepard brushed the beer off Kaidan. “Sorry, K.”

“It’s all right. If you didn’t spill it on me I would have spilled it on myself. That Godzilla line had me in stitches.”

Shepard had saved the galaxy three times but she still thought karaoke night was her best idea ever. Once a month, if they had a long run to make through standard FTL, EDI and a skeleton crew handled the ship while the rest of the crew crowded into the mess hall. EDI still had more than enough CPU capacity to handle music changes and even sing herself.

Shepard and Kaidan sat in the back. She beamed over the crowd. One year ago to the day, they had defeated the Reapers. The entire team had come back together. Half of them had insisted that karaoke night go on, and the other half had threatened not to come because of it. That half was drunk now and had sung just as many songs as the rest, including the next two that Shepard saw warming up at the edge of the stage.

Joker said, “All right, next up is…” He peered at the card. “EDI, is this right?”

“Correct, Jeff. In my own surprise, I also chose to verify the next performers.”

Joker chuckled. “All right, I’ve got a special treat for you guys. Our two guests, Kal’Reegar and Kolyat, are doing a special rendition of… well, you’ll see.”

Everyone applauded as Joker shuffled off stage. Kolyat took Joker’s mic and Kal picked up another from near the song books, where James and Kasumi were whispering about which song they were going to do. Kolyat tried not to smile. You couldn’t see Kal’s expression, but his body language looked regal.

Soft piano music moved into violins. Shepard sprayed beer on Kaidan again. Joker nearly fell over laughing. “All right! She’s done!” he said, laughing so hard he couldn’t stand up straight. “I can’t laugh like this! I’ll break something!”

“Do I need to put up a barrier, Shepard?” Kaidan asked.

“Oh my God! Is this what I think it is?” Shepard cried. Everyone shushed her. Shepard covered her hand over her mouth to let Kolyat and Kal sing. Was it… did they…

(sung to the tune of “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand)


We’re not fighting Reapers
We’re not fighting rachni


We hardly fight anyone anymore
When we go out and explore through some mass relay…


I remember when
We and the geth were fighting
Ships o’er Rannoch were frying
Now the galaxy’s at peeeeace


I haven’t shot anyone in months
That used to bring me sweet relief


When your greatest fear is breaking up a brawl of krogan teens…
We’re not fighting Reapers anymore


It used to be so scary


Used to be…


To talk about the end




Now we’ve got all the time in the world
We just give things a whirl
’Til they sweep us away


Man, I remember all the things you taught me


I learned how to shoot. I learned my masquerades.


I learned how to kill. I learned to fling grenades.


So you’d think I could learn how to sing serenades…


So you’d think I could learn how to sing serenades…
We’re not fighting Reapers anymore…


So you’d think I could learn how to sing serenades…


’Cause we don’t need to shoot things…


We don’t need to kill stuff…


We’re not fighting Reapers anymore…

Kal and Kolyat looked deeply into each others’ eyes, then both looked at the audience and dropped their microphones. The crowd went insane. EDI held up Joker to keep him from falling out of his chair. Kasumi and James dropped to the floor and began waving, We’re not worthy. Shepard and Kaidan were holding lighters in the air using their omni-tools.

Shepard hugged Kaidan around the neck with her free arm. She laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. “Now that’s what I fought for!”

  1. This is the most hilarious and amazing thing I’ve read all day. Thank you. I think I’ll read it again, just because!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks, Lynn!!! I put the original lyrics down one column of a page, then wrote the spoof line by line on the other. I also Googled “how to write a song parody. They encouraged using similar words and rhyme schemes because it’s hard enough coming up with new words.


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