Rewind — Or, Get to the Point

Posted: February 6, 2014 by writingsprint in Fantasy, Lost Angel
Tags: , , , ,

"Lost Angel" by SugarGrl14

“Lost Angel” by SugarGrl14 at DeviantArt

Yesterday I wrote the second scene in a story that I’m thinking of calling “Lost Angel.” I was stalling. I knew who the main character was, what her problem is, and who her foil is in the story. I didn’t show the conflict. I thought I should build it up.

Today I thought, forget it. Let’s get this thing moving. It may be a fast story, but it’ll be a more interesting story.

A few other people clapped, too. Angelina covered her mouth with her hands and waved at everybody. People laughed. A few put more ones into the flute player’s hat. The kids sang, “Fly on, my angel! Fly on, my angel!” and ran in circles around the fountain.

Angelina dropped a five in the flute player’s hat. “You play beautifully,” she said.

“Thank you very much.” The flute player had the voice of a kind old man, like she imagined her grandfather would have had. He turned his face toward her, without lifting it. Behind his sunglasses, she saw milky white irises. He was blind. “And you have a beautiful voice, miss Angelina.”

Angelina’s blood ran cold. That, however, wasn’t kind. Angelina’s hand snuck inside her purse to her tear gas. She checked her surroundings. No one watching her that she could see. “How do you know my name?” she demanded.

“We’re old friends, my dear. You don’t remember, because you’ve been on Earth too long.”

Angelina had a flash inside her head, like an idea that just hit her, but she couldn’t form the words for it. He was telling the truth. Angelina held her head. She wobbled on her feet.

“It’s all right. You might want to take a sip of that water you have in your bag.”

Two bottles of Aquafina were in her bag. She bought them for the gym later because the store was out of water filters. “You followed me.”

“I’m blind, child.”

“A friend of yours, then, with a cell phone.”

“And I knew you’d come over and give me a five dollar bill?” Angelina’s mouth dropped open. “I really think you should have some of that water,” he said.

Angelina took out her half gallon of milk, struggled to rip open the top, and drank deep gulps. Children playing nearby was a lot less charming than it was a few minutes ago. The snake looked weird now, not beautiful.

The flute player laughed. “This isn’t funny!” she snapped.

“I’m sorry, child. You had a better sense of humor in Heaven. I suppose living down here has made you jaded. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Another flash. She felt like she was floating. Angelina had always loved the stars and the sky. She had a tattoo of an angel on her hip. She grit her teeth. “Who are you?”

“Please. Sit down and we can talk. We can walk over next to the security kiosk in the middle of the park if that makes you more comfortable.”

Her food was spoiling. She had to get home. She didn’t want to be near this strange man with the kind voice, lovely music, beautiful snake, and words that were driving her mad. Her subconscious was banging at the back of her forehead, saying the words, home, father, brother, family. “No.” Then she blurted, “Tell me who you are.”

“My name is Daniel. You’re an angel. I’m your father. I’m here to help you find your way back to Heaven.”

Angelina gassed him.

Or tried to. She pulled the canister and pushed the button down, but it stuck. It didn’t matter. Daniel, his snake, and his flute were gone, not to mention her five dollars. Angelina looked around. The kids were still playing, including the one with the balloon. No one was paying attention to her.

Angelina gathered up her things and walked home. Fast.

And here… we… go!

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Comments
  1. A.D. Everard says:

    Yep, that’s a lot faster. 🙂

    Like

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