You Call This Help?

Posted: December 15, 2013 by writingsprint in Drama, The Line of Duty
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Part five of “The Line of Duty”

Morning came with a bang.

Criston didn’t think it was funny, but his sense of humor and his butt were the only two things that he had to hang onto. They’d woken him up with the shooting, and he’d started coughing a little bit after that. His throat felt raw, and he felt cold. Granted it was already cold, but he didn’t know if it was that or some level of fear he hadn’t felt before. It stunned him, thinking straight at all, but it wasn’t normal. It was like being outside of his head.

He covered his face with his arms and tried to get into the very bottom of the crater as artillery crashed outside. This was Germany’s counterattack, but it wasn’t nearly as big as the American one. If it had been, they’d already have charged, and he’d already be dead. They’d been firing all morning, but it was only just starting to get inside of him. Every boom, every bang, shook his insides and rattled around. The idea of having a bayonet stamped “Berlin Ironworks” rammed through his guts had been very present, very clear and very terrifying for the past hour.

Criston’s head swam as he sat up. He was going out. It gave him a giddy feeling. He wasn’t afraid like he was when they’d charged. He cleared his throat hard.Snipers and the Maxims were one thing, but he wasn’t going to die in a lousy ditch without even a chance to make it. The shells sounded like they were falling closer. Criston grabbed his rifle, then decided to leave it. Then he thought, If you get it, it won’t make a difference. You might as well bring it. He grabbed it again and turned to the American side of the crater. One. Two….

He took a deep breath when a volley of shells hit the ground outside of the crater barely fifteen yards behind him. Criston almost wet his drawers, as if you could have noticed they were more wet than they already were, but then he heard running and someone jumped headfirst into the crater with him. Criston almost went for his bayonet. The guy jumped from the American side of the crater. Lying in the crater were a box, a big one to carry around, and a roll of radio wire that led back out. It was Jack.

Criston was speechless.

  1. A.D. Everard says:

    Looks like the makings of a new book.

    I like the way this series started, back at the first one you put up – right in there with the action. I also enjoyed the little details (don’t I always?) all through, such as the helmet held up on a bayonet – yet nothing happened. Love that, as it contradicts expectations. 🙂


    • writingsprint says:

      Thank you! I love it when readers can feel the scene in their skin, and when they hold their breath :D.

      My Christmas present to myself or New Year’s resolution is going to be a story where I can sink in and experience those details again. The 400 words a day thing is fun but it’s so rapid-fire that I have less time to do that. You’ll notice these are all actually half-scenes. That’s because the original was written in a longer style.


      • A.D. Everard says:

        I totally agree – go where the urge takes you. The 400 words a day is a fantastic exercise to keep the writing spirit/creativity alive and pumping, but if your inner being says “Now’s the time to dive in to something bigger” go with that. The 400 a day will always be there – However it works, it will be great. 🙂


      • writingsprint says:

        Thanks for the support, Allyson :D. Something bigger is definitely coming. The scary part is, I remember what all those fits and starts were like when I did other big stories. Augh. I don’t want you guys reading when it’s crap! But maybe that kind of soul exposure’ll be good for me.


      • A.D. Everard says:

        Ah, man! I know exactly what you are saying. I can’t burn my old stuff fast enough! I still cringe when I find a piece of paper that someone might have looked at. 😀


  2. This gave me goosebumps. Very well done.


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s