Scene from a Hospital Room: Paul

Posted: September 27, 2011 by writingsprint in postaday2011, postaweek2011, Writing
Tags: , , , , ,

Paul smiled as Marie hugged her parents. They exchanged some quiet words, then Marie gestured towards where he was sitting with the baby. “Oh, look at her,” her mother said. Little Jenny was asleep. He’d gotten the hang of where she seemed to feel the most comfortable in his arms. “Can I hold her?” she asked.

Paul half smiled, as he felt an ancient, protective instinct kick him in the ass. He didn’t feel safe letting anyone hold her other than Marie or him. Time to get over yourself… “Here you go.” Mrs. Phillips knew what she was doing, but Paul made it a point to stand up after she was holding Jenny.

Her father came over and hugged him, and he shook her brother’s hand. Paul kept one eye on the baby. Marie smiled and tugged at his fingers.

This scene is part of Voice Week from Be Kind Rewrite. Check it out!

  1. […] Read the rest: Scene from a Hospital Room: Paul « The Daily 400. […]


  2. Ah, I was wrong! Well, I’m glad. I love the contradictory old-world dramatics and modern spunk in the phrase “an ancient, protective instinct kick him in the ass.” I definitely get a feel for this guy’s tender toughness.


  3. Aww, this is touching! I’m such a sucker for sensitive dad characters 🙂


  4. I think this line ” tugged at his fingers” says so much. Just a small, (maybe tired too) affectionate gesture. Nicely done!


  5. Mike says:

    A lovely piece.
    You captured the new dad’s protective instincts so well. I love the idea that he’s not sure about anybody else being able to hold the baby properly, even Gran. He knows it doesn’t make sense – ‘Time to get over yourself.’ Yet he still stands up just to make sure.
    Looking forward to Wednesday.


  6. robinhawke says:

    So protective! Obviously the first baby…Good job, looking forward to the other voices, Robin


  7. scribbla says:

    Ahahaha… you could be describing the way I felt when my son was born. Awesome!


  8. This one is really lovely and touching!


  9. writingsprint says:

    Thanks everyone!!!!


  10. Janece says:

    Ah, sweet. Nothing like the birth of a new baby to bring out the parental instincts in those who didn’t know they had them.


What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s